The double life of the macaronis

THE KITCHEN

Sex is not always best in the bed. Place your partner on top of the kitchen table and pour some chocolate sauce, cream or something else that you find delicious onto them and then lick it off their naked body.

Make your own water based lubricant! 2 teaspoons of cornstarch mixed together with 2 deciliters of water, boiling together carefully before cooling off. You might need to water it down some. Should be kept in a refrigerator and has a limited durability.

Sex doesn’t have to happen in bed. The kitchen table and the countertop can be of perfect height for sexual exercises, and can enable new positions.

Vegetables! Carrot, cucumber or zucchini. Their shapes can be various and exciting which can provide you with enjoyable stimulation. Some carrots have, for example, a perfect g-spot curvature. You can also sculpt your own dildo or butt plug from vegetables. Put on a condom if you are using sprayed groceries.

You can find a lot of fun stuff in the kitchen cabinets. The spatula is not only to be used to turn the steaks over in your pan, but also to provide some nice spanking.

A kitchen classic (if you have a cock): The melon and the thermos with macaronis.

Fill up a thermos with newly boiled macaronis, put on a condom and jerk off in the thermos.

Take a ripe cantaloupe melon or a honeydew melon. Cut a round hole, a little bit smaller than an average penis. Remove some of the melon inside with a spoon and then heat it up in the microwave (be careful). Perhaps put in some lubricant. Voila!

THE BEDROOM

Put on a sleeping mask or blindfolds on your partner (maybe one of the shawls from the hallway?), and combine this with earplugs. Let your partner bind you with a robe sash. Now, several senses have been disconnected which will enhance your sensitivity towards being touched, as well as your partner’s.

THE LAUNDRY UTILITY ROOM

Clothespins can be used as nipple clamps, or be attached to other sensitive areas.

One of the best vibrators that can provide an outstanding orgasm is a free standing centrifuge. A lot of people say that a washer will do just as good, but they’ve probably never sat on a good old centrifuge.

THE BATHROOM

Do you have kids at home? Sneak into the bathroom and have a quickie. Turn on the water faucet to hide potential sounds.

The shower jet is one of the most common sex toys. Use the jet to masturbate, alter the force of the water as well as the temperature. If you have a pussy: Remember to not spray water up into the vagina, but rather to direct it onto your clitoris.

The handle of an electric toothbrush can function as an excellent vibrator. There are also small heads without any toothbrush straws, that can be used for pleasure.

ALL-ROUNDER ADVICE! The more you think of sex, the more lust you will experience!

THE HALLWAY

Before even entering, outside the front door, you find a gold mine for possible sex toys. Shoe horns are perfect for some light spanking.

Shawls are excellent for binding someone or to use as blindfolds. Grandma’s old wool shawl or a silk shawl will provide very different experiences when touching naked skin.

The backside of the shoe brush works as a paddle that can provide a nice spank on the bum. Try it out lightly and always communicate with your partner about the intensity of the spanking for it to be enjoyed by the receiver.

THE LIVING ROOM

Make out heavily like teenagers on the couch. It is not allowed to undress but you can rub, grind, pet, and kiss each other.

THE BROOM CLOSET AND THE FACTOTUM DRAWER

Bin bags. Cut large black squares out of bin bags and attach them together with some adhesive tape. Pour on some lubricant and Voila; you get super slippery and also cheap sheets.

Fill up a ballon with warm water and tie a knot. Pour on some lubricant and rub it against your clitoris.

By Suzann Larsdotter